A Simple Guide for Parents: Helping Your Child Overcome Anxiety Using NLP Techniques
What Is NLP, and How Can It Help?
NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is a method that looks at how our minds work to process thoughts, feelings, and experiences. When your child feels anxious, their brain is processing that worry in a specific way—through pictures, sounds, and feelings in their mind. By gently helping your child change how they imagine or "see" their anxiety, you can help them feel calmer and more in control.
This guide will show you a simple, step-by-step process to use NLP at home to help your child quickly manage and even shrink their anxiety.
Step 1: Recognise and Name the Anxiety
Why: Anxiety often feels overwhelming, but naming it can help your child understand it’s separate from them and that they can take control of it.
What to Do: Sit with your child in a calm, safe space. Ask them about their worry in a way that feels gentle and curious. Encourage them to describe their anxiety as if it were an object, shape, or character.
How to Say It:
"Can you tell me what your worry feels like right now?"
"If your worry had a shape or name, what would it look or sound like? Is it like a monster, a big cloud, or maybe something else?"
Example: Your child might say, “It’s a big, gray cloud that feels heavy.” Or, “It’s like a noisy monster yelling at me.”
Step 2: Explore the Anxiety’s Details
Why: Anxiety has certain “qualities” in your child’s mind, like size, color, sound, or sensation. Understanding these details gives you clues about how to help them change it.
What to Do: Gently ask questions about how they see or feel their worry. Use simple language to explore its details.
Questions to Ask:
For Visuals:
"What does it look like? Is it big or small?"
"What color is it? Is it bright or dark?"
For Sounds:
"Does it make any sounds? Are they loud or soft?"
"What kind of voice does it have—scary, silly, or something else?"
For Feelings in the Body:
"Where do you feel it in your body? Is it heavy, tight, or tingly?"
"If it had a temperature, would it feel warm or cold?"
Example: Your child might say, “It’s a big, dark cloud in my tummy that feels really heavy.”
Step 3: Change the Anxiety’s Qualities
Why: Anxiety feels big and overwhelming when its "qualities" are intense. By changing how it looks, sounds, or feels, your child can reduce its power.
What to Do: Use playful imagination to help your child “shrink” or “transform” their anxiety. Let them be in control as they change it.
Visual Changes:
Ask them to imagine the cloud getting smaller, lighter, or moving farther away.
Suggest changing the color to something calming, like blue or pink.
Encourage them to imagine the cloud disappearing altogether or turning into something harmless, like a fluffy bunny.
Sound Changes:
If the anxiety has a loud, scary voice, suggest turning the volume down like on a remote control.
Make it sound silly, like a cartoon character or a squeaky voice.
Feeling Changes:
If the anxiety feels heavy, encourage them to imagine it becoming lighter and floating away, like a balloon.
If it feels hot or cold, ask them to imagine changing its temperature to something comfortable.
How to Say It:
"What if we made the big cloud smaller? Can you imagine it shrinking, like a balloon letting out air?"
"What color makes you feel calm? Let’s change the cloud to that color now."
"Can you give the monster a funny voice? Maybe it sounds like a squeaky toy!"
Step 4: Replace Anxiety with a Positive Feeling
Why: Once the anxiety is reduced, it’s important to replace it with something calming or uplifting. This helps your child focus on feeling safe and happy.
What to Do: Guide your child to imagine a happy or safe experience. Use their senses to make it as real as possible in their mind.
How to Say It:
"Now that the worry is smaller, let’s fill that space with something that makes you feel happy or brave. Can you think of a time when you felt really safe or strong?"
"Imagine a big, golden sun filling your body with warm, bright light. Let it shine in every part of you."
"What sound makes you feel happy? Can you hear it in your mind now?"
Example: Your child might imagine standing on a sunny beach, hearing the waves, and feeling warm sand under their feet.
Step 5: Anchor the Positive Feeling
Why: Anchoring helps your child “save” the positive feeling so they can use it later when they feel anxious again.
What to Do: Connect the positive feeling to a simple physical action, like pressing their thumb and finger together, tapping their chest, or hugging themselves.
How to Say It:
"When you feel this calm and happy, press your fingers together like this. You can use this anytime you need to feel safe and brave again."
Step 6: Practice and Celebrate
Why: Regular practice helps your child feel confident in managing their worries.
What to Do: Use this process whenever anxiety arises and celebrate their efforts, no matter how small the progress.
How to Say It:
"You did amazing! See how you made that big worry shrink? You’re so brave and strong."
"The more we practice this, the better you’ll get at making worries disappear."
Tips for Success
Be Playful: Make this a fun activity rather than a serious task. Use their favorite characters or toys if it helps.
Stay Patient: Some children might take longer to respond. Give them space and encouragement.
Model It: Show them how you use these steps for your own worries.
Why It Works
This process helps your child take control of their anxiety by using their imagination. By changing how they see, hear, and feel the worry, they reduce its intensity and learn they have the power to manage it. Over time, this builds confidence and emotional resilience.
Encourage your child to use this tool whenever they need it, and soon they’ll feel more empowered to handle their emotions with ease.